If you know or suspect that your friend or family member has a problem with gambling, it’s normal to experience intense feelings such as loss of trust, anger, confusion, fear, frustration, and hopelessness.
You cannot force someone to acknowledge that they have an issue with gambling, but by being supportive and non-judgemental, you may help them begin a path to recovery. If you’re not sure how to approach the situation, a counsellor can point you in the right direction.
Signs of a gambling problem
If your friend or family member is struggling with their gambling, they might:
have long, unexplained absences from home, school, or work
withdraw from family and friends
seem anxious, distracted, or have difficulty paying attention
have mood swings, usually high when winning and lower when losing
get overly upset at the conclusion of sporting matches or online games
become secretive about money and finances or start to hide bank and credit card statements
talk about gambling all the time
ask friends and family for money
have unexplained debts, or windfalls of cash or new items (like new clothes or jewellery)
be either short of money, or exceedingly generous
have money conflicts with other people.
You may notice:
money is missing from the house or from bank accounts
an increasing lack of money despite the same income and expenses
they take on extra jobs, but you don't see any extra money
unexplained reduction in savings and assets
jewellery or other valuables disappearing and reappearing as they are pawned
they defend gambling as a way to get money
they may get secretive, defensive or even blame you for the need to gamble – or they may say that it is ‘all for you’ and you need to trust in the ‘big win someday.’
Talking to them can help
If you're concerned that someone close to you has a gambling problem - and you feel safe to do so - talking to them about it sooner rather than later can help. An honest, non-confrontational conversation can start them on the road to recovery.
The best way to find out if someone has a problem with gambling is to ask.
Make sure you choose a time when you can talk in private and you are both calm. Prepare yourself for the full range of responses you may encounter, from relief through to anger. The person may deny, minimise, rationalise, or lie about their gambling behaviour. Or they may blame others.
Be aware that they may feel ashamed or embarrassed and may not want to talk.
Gambler’s Help can help you prepare for a conversation with a loved one about their gambling. Learn more at Gambler's Help.
Decisions about money
It's likely the person you're worried about has difficulty handling money when gambling opportunities exist. You could:
suggest setting a limit of an agreed amount for them to spend on gambling each week
help them set up a budget and direct debit for bills
plan together how to limit their access to money for a period of time – for example, once bills are paid, you could make sure they have only what they need for food and other essential items
look after their credit and debit cards for them.
The person with a gambling problem may ask you to give or lend them money. If you give them financial help, make sure they get counselling help as well. Be clear that loans must be paid back, even if it's only a small amount each week.
Quitting may take several attempts
Overcoming a gambling problem will take time. Issues to consider include:
Most people who gamble make several attempts to stop gambling before they stop completely.
Encourage the person to seek professional help. Let them know that Gambler’s Help offers free and confidential support, 24/7.
Lapses or ‘slip ups’ are common when trying to stop gambling. However, lapses can help the person learn what triggers their gambling and help them to devise new tactics to manage it.
Your emotional support is important. Congratulate them on their successes and note positive behavioural changes.
Develop an action plan for lapses
Returning to gambling is a common problem among people trying to quit. If you would like to support someone who has had a gambling lapse, consider:
Offer to go with them to meet with a counsellor.
Encourage them to keep talking openly with you.
Talk to them about what triggers them to want to gamble and discuss strategies to avoid them.
If they set out a budget and ask for help sticking to it, support them.
Contact Gambler’s Help for practical advice on how to support someone with a gambling problem. Call 1800 858 858 or visit Gambler's Help.
Gambler's Help
Every year Gambler’s Help assists thousands of Victorians to successfully quit or take control of their gambling. They support anyone experiencing problems with their own or someone else’s gambling. Gambler’s Help services include phone or face-to-face counselling, financial counselling, First Nations gambling support, and help in other languages.
